Excuse me, Mr. Handy, for a-droppin' you a
  line,
But the fact is, I've arrived in town and feelin'
  mighty fine;
I'm stoppin' at the Press Club, er that's where I
  take my meals,
An' I must say I'm agitatin' some colossal deals;
But what I want to ask you is, 'at seems a-botherin'
  me,
Is your hippodrome at Jackson Park, that's what I
  want to see;
I'd lay all careful pains aside an' wear a steady grin
'F I thought 'at you could work some scheme
  Of gittin' of me in.
  Course, if you say they isn't,
  I'll say I's just in fun,
  An' we'll just let it go at that--
  They's no harm done.

Say, Handy, what I want is so's I can push my phiz
All 'round the hull World's Fair grounds an see
  everything they is,
An' when a C'lumbian guard comes up unmannerly
  and gruff,
I'll flash the pass you give me, Handy, that'll be
  enough
An' passin' on an' mirrorin' my face in the lagoon
Where that fellow is a-standin'--now what's his
  name?--Neptune.
I want to see you, Major, yes, I want to grasp your
  fin,
'Cause I know 'at you could work some scheme
  Of gittin' of me in.
  Course, if you say they isn't,
  I'll say I's just in fun,
  An' we'll just let it go at that--
  They's no harm done.

I want to see the state buildin's an' all ther' is there,
I want to see that queer machine that turns out com-
  pressed air,
Th' Administration Buildin' an' th' Agricultural Hall--
I tell you, Major, hones'ly, I want to see it all.
I'll be alone mos' of the time an' nothin' 's goin' to
  please
Me better than to get acquainted with those Javanese.
Don't say a word! Say, Handy, I must brace you
  agin:
Is they any possibility
  Of gittin' of me in?
  Course, if you say they isn't,
  I'll say I's just in fun,
  An' we'll just let it go at that--
  They's no harm done.

I've read the weekly papers, Major, out at old
  St. Joe,
They ain't been nothin' in 'em 'at the country folks
  don't know.
Some wants to see machinery, some paintin's, an'
  some fish,
Some want to hear the music, too, but I tell you my
  wish
Is just to see them foreign girls from Spain an' sunny
  France,
An' Abdul Something, what-'s-his-name, that's got
  them girls 'at dance
Out there in Midway Plaisance, an' the Sultan an'
  his kin.
Oh, Handy, you must fix some scheme
  Of gittin' of me in?
  Course, if you say they isn't,
  I'll say I's just in fun,
  An' we'll just let it go at that--
  They's no harm done.