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Joe Schmoe was six years old when he killed his best friend; it wasn't his fault, it was just the way that he was made...

Joe was born with an auto-telepathic telekinetic feedback ability - he has the ability to unconsciously kill anyone who has thoughts of killing him. It doesn't matter if those thoughts are intended to be carried out - "it's the thought that counts" (to re-use a phrase). If someone has an idle though that the world would be better off without Joe being alive, then they die.

As a young adult, Joe is eventually incarcerated in prison, in solitary confinement. But he's still killing - everyone who benevolently wishes to end his solitary suffering, the relatives of those that he's inadvertently taken from their families.

How can we end this cycle of pain and suffering?

EDIT: Burki raised the question of suicide. While this might be an elegant idea, it bypasses other creative ideas. For the sake of the story, let's say that this ability is borne of self-preservation and suicide is not an option here (sorry).

CLARIFICATION
Interesting discussion overnight and some clarification has been asked for.

In essence, Joe's defence is this: If someone wishes him dead, then they die. Thinking of Joe, or being afraid of him isn't necessarily fatal.

Let's put it another way. Consider any mass-murderer/psychopath/dictator and how many people would wish them dead.

Or another way. A cute girl/guy sells you coffee this morning - if you subsequently have a sexual fantasy about him/her, you die. If you're happy with just getting your coffee with a kind word, you're pretty safe.

It's also worth considering the new title of this question and spinning it around - who is the thought-crime killer - Joe, or the people who wish him dead?

Nevertheless, Joe is in solitary confinement - whether he got there by turning himself in, or was dragged in is open for interpretation. I'm not saying either happened, I'm just providing a framework for your imagination.

  • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. – HDE 226868 Sep 22 '16 at 17:18
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    Please avoid making new tags for questions if possible. You defined 4 new tags: telekinesis, thought-crime, criminal, and consequences; none of which look generic or suitable for new questions. – kettlecrab Sep 23 '16 at 03:02
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    Does the thought have to be specifically about joe? if someone who doesn't know he exists decides to cut the budget for a program that's providing him with dialysis do they die? Does someone who thinks about something that might kill him die? If bill just wants to kill anyone and thinks about laying a landmine on joes street without knowing joe exists does bill die? Does someone who simply decides to be reckless near joe die? "lets get drunk and fire guns in every direction! wooo!" – Murphy Sep 23 '16 at 15:05
  • Yes, the thought has to be about Joe. However, contriving some program that involves Joe that will result indirectly in his death is also fatal (because the implication is there that you're designing a process to kill him). –  Sep 23 '16 at 15:07
  • Who evaluates the thoughts that get you killed? Are they perceived by Joe or some other entity sort of guardian? Is it a genetic condition that produces your death on occurrence of such kill-the-joe thoughts? Is it possible to isolate your thoughts so that your death does not occur (aluminum foil helmet) or mask them (really noisy room filled with people), etc? – David Sep 23 '16 at 15:55
  • Why would they want to kill him when they can weaponise him? Simply mail him to your enemies and tell them "this guy is going to kill you". Suddenly whole armies are dropping dead and evil dictators are being removed from power across the globe. – Pharap Sep 23 '16 at 17:15
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    How can the rules even be known by anyone with the power to act on that knowledge? I don't think it is possible to formulate the concept of "thinking about killing Joe", without, as part of this, also having the concept of "killing Joe" in one's head. Bang, everyone who even gets close to understanding that rule is dead. – hmakholm left over Monica Sep 23 '16 at 18:34
  • how fast does it go? do you still have time to dispatch order? what if someone thinks about placing a bomb in a place without knowing it will kill Joe? – njzk2 Sep 23 '16 at 19:17
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    My basic problem with this question is that it doesn't make sense. How would anyone ever know/figure out that Joe has this power? If a 6 year old dies, just suddenly, how would anyone know that the thought of killing Joe kills? And, if they did find out, just thinking about the fact that thinking about killing Joe will kill you, will, in all likelihood, kill you. Because you'd have to think about killing Joe. – Erin Thursby Sep 23 '16 at 23:56
  • The title question refers to killing him, but in the text you ask "How can we end this cycle of pain and suffering?" These are two very different questions, perhaps crucially different. Which one do you mean? Please get rid of whichever phrasing you don't mean. – Don Hatch Sep 24 '16 at 02:01
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    Need clarification: how quickly does a person die after thinking the thought? Need clarification: (as asked by Malakai9999) what is the distance range of joe's powers? Need clarification: are there any materials or fields that block Joe's powers? (A tinfoil hat?) – Don Hatch Sep 24 '16 at 02:13
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    [Joe will die, probably along with any other inmates in the entire jail.] Quote @Cyrus. Sounds like the basis for the story's sequel: "It is Years later and the memory of Joe has been forgot through the generations; the jail that held him still stands in the middle of nowhere, the skeletons of his victims permanent inmates; some intrepid young journalists begin to ask what happened there, and discover the fatal truth: that Joe still exists in memory - literary..." – Harry David Sep 24 '16 at 04:53
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    This question reminds me of Monty Python's World's funniest joke sketch. – FumbleFingers Sep 24 '16 at 15:43
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    I want you to consider editing your questions as it has contradictions in logics. Assuming following statements are true, your question is senseless: 1)You can't kill someone without an intent 2)Unintentionally killing someone is called "accident" 3)"Accidentally" killing someone can not be planned without intent to kill. So, unless you make up some expliotable holes (like restricting his ability to some radius or smth else), your question has a paradox and can not be answered. P.S.:If you asked "how can i kill my character as an author?" - "any accident" is your answer. – haldagan Sep 28 '16 at 10:49
  • Could someone who "is not thinking" do it, like a psycho killer? – Celeritas Oct 04 '16 at 06:30
  • i was like, just kill him, then i realized it – Topcode Jan 05 '21 at 16:07

33 Answers33

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The problem is already solved. Joe will die in solitary confinement from thirst or starvation, as his guards and the officials responsible for replacing them all drop dead.

  • "I should bring Joe his meal, otherwise he will starve... hey, that woul..."
  • "I need to assign someone new to bring Joe his meal, otherwise... "

Some dutiful person may restore part of this chain of responsibility without thinking about the consequences... the first time. But eventually it will reach a completely disinterested bureaucrat or an inbox that is no longer monitored and Joe will die, probably along with any other inmates in the entire jail.

Cyrus
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  • Best answer so far. – Orejano Sep 21 '16 at 12:44
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    If that superpwoer is EVER aired on TV, mankind will go extinct. Try not to think about fluffy unicorns... or you die horrib- .. ... ... – Andreas Heese Sep 21 '16 at 14:45
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    @AndreasHeese Only those watching TV will die, together with a handful of people told about it before the person watching TV trips over the problem themselves. Maybe some people with strange brains will survive long enough to wipe out large numbers of people, but others will work out that speaking with them is fatal and simply kill them, or just form insular communities that kill everyone who comes nearby. – Yakk Sep 21 '16 at 15:02
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    blink blink That is bloody brilliant! Lock Joe up... then a few people will have to take one for the team. However... since we already thought of that, sorry: we're dead, before we can tell this brilliant plan to anyone. This can only work if we have arrived at a situation where Joe is already locked up. – MichaelK Sep 21 '16 at 15:02
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    @MichaelKarnerfors Well, that is the situation described in the question. I assume Pete has a way in mind that it happened, Whether he's in jail for shoplifting or multiple homicides (must have gone through a lot of jurors then), he ended up in a situation where he's dependent on others for survival, finally turning his power against him. – Cyrus Sep 21 '16 at 21:21
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    This is not a valid solution. Joe kills anyone who thinks of killing him. Imagining him being dead, or reasoning about what would happen if he gets no food, or reasoning about what would happen if no guards are left etc. is not "thinking about killing him". Compare this to (existing) hospitals for the terminal ill. The doctors, nurses and patients surely think about death all the time, but probably only few (probably mainly the patients themselves) think about killing. Having "idle thoughts" that somehow involve a dead Joe surely leaves lots of interpretations except "killing him". – AnoE Sep 22 '16 at 11:22
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    From the question: "If someone has an idle though that the world would be better off without Joe being alive, then they die." Tell me that wouldn't apply to Joe's guards. – Cyrus Sep 22 '16 at 11:34
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    A reasonable analysis. In fact, this is so reasonable, that I find it hard to believe that it didn't happen much earlier in Joe's life. For instance, when he was 6. – Lord Dust Sep 22 '16 at 15:08
  • @LordDust As long as he is free, he has a plentify source of meat to eat. So long as he learns how to cook... – Yakk Sep 22 '16 at 20:41
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    Everyone who has answered this question is dead. Everyone who read it, is dead. I am dead. To consider this question, step one is to realize that you must reject the idea of directly killing Joe, and that realization alone kills you.The questioner must have died too... unless the questioner was Joe. – Dewi Morgan Sep 23 '16 at 15:00
  • @DewiMorgan there's a difference between thinking about killing Joe and thinking about thinking about killing Joe. – Daerdemandt Sep 23 '16 at 18:28
  • Doesn't this require all guards to think of killing him? – Celeritas Sep 25 '16 at 07:48
  • @Celeritas Once the first one or two die, the rest realize being Joe's guard is very dangerous. That gives them plenty of reason to not want to bring him food and to want him to die. Etc, etc, etc. – Cyrus Sep 25 '16 at 15:49
  • All it requires is for one person to know of his plight and want him to live. The good Samaritan goes to the prison to bring him food and water. Anyone that knows what she's doing and even thinks about stopping her dies. It must not be the case that this is impossible. If it were that easy to be killed by Joe that would have prevented his incarceration in the first place. – Jason Goemaat Sep 26 '16 at 09:43
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There's a fine line between killing someone and failing to prevent their death.

We have a lot of health and safety systems in place that are designed to prevent accidental death and injury, an environment where these aren't in place is not actively killing him, but nor are you trying to prevent him from dying. The numbers will get him eventually.

Consider sending him to war. The bulk of people shooting at him aren't considering killing him. They're just killing and they don't care who. You could also set him up as the world's most successful sniper, those he kills, he kills and those who try to kill him, he kills.

As it stands, you're making him suffer for no good reason, and in the process making yourself responsible for the deaths of many others. The simple fact you've put him in long term solitary has drawn attention to him in a way that is killing people whose only crime is wanting to kill him. Let him be an anonymous nobody in the street again and you'll have a lower death rate.

Let him out, announce his death so that people stop thinking about him, and let him try to kayak solo across the pacific in winter if he wants to.

What your question and many of the answers are showing is the moral to the story of Rudolf. Being different is punished unless it can be exploited. The fact so many people die around Joe is a testament to their character, not his, but he's the one who ended up in prison for it.

Separatrix
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    I think this is the only possible answer with the constraints posed. Don't kill him, fake his death and then no-one will think of killing him. – Tim B Sep 21 '16 at 08:59
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    It's going to be though to fake his death while avoiding unintentional thoughts about killing him. – Antzi Sep 21 '16 at 11:22
  • @Antzi, appoint someone else to sort out the details of faking a death without telling them who it refers to and produce "fill in name here" grade paperwork, then get another person to fill in the name without reading the papers to see what it's about. – Separatrix Sep 21 '16 at 11:35
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    @Separatrix how do you tell someone "figure out how to fake the death of someone" without considering who it is you are instructing the other to fake the death of? You can't. The person who considers giving the instructions will die before the others can even receive them. – enderland Sep 21 '16 at 12:42
  • @enderland, the person is in a controlled environment, there are a limited number of factors involved. A fill in name here sheet for people who do the same thing at the same time in the same place isn't hard to generate. – Separatrix Sep 21 '16 at 12:47
  • @Separatrix sure. But how would the person generate that sheet in the first place? Why would they be saying "kill everyone in prison?" There is just not a rational way to get to "we should kill anyone in prison" without "maybe if we killed everyone in prison, it'd kill Joe." – enderland Sep 21 '16 at 12:48
  • @enderland If someone dies in interrogation you're not going to tell the press he died in interrogation. There's no plan here to actually kill anyone, just generate a valid story about how someone died. – Separatrix Sep 21 '16 at 12:54
  • Have the mob install a car bomb on a specific car. They don't know it's his car so they aren't thinking of him. Or invest in covering your property in landmines and invite him over. – David Starkey Sep 21 '16 at 13:52
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    Consider sending him to war. I wonder what could... gack The mob could install a bomb in a car he co gack. Is there a way to think around the inability to think about gack. Really, anyone who thinks about gack. Thinking about gack. Sorry, I didn't catch that, anyone who thinks about putting kindling on you dies? Oh, you mean kil gack. – Yakk Sep 21 '16 at 14:08
  • Indirect fire is a good example - an artillery gunner has no thoughts of killing someone specific, and likely has no idea about who exactly (or anyone at all) is at the targeted location. – Peteris Sep 21 '16 at 21:35
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    @Separatrix Love your last sentence in your answer above. –  Sep 22 '16 at 06:26
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    @Separatrix: your idea about separating parts of the process reminds me of 'The Funniest Joke in the World' [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Funniest_Joke_in_the_World], a Monty Python sketch where each word of a lethal joke was translated into German by a separate person so England could weaponize the joke during WWII. – Mark Ripley Sep 22 '16 at 13:11
  • @Yakk Not necessarily. All you need to do is find someone unscrupulous enough to send him to war as a weapon, and not as a soldier. Their thoughts will be about him killing others, not about others killing him, and thus they would be able to live to tell the tale. ...In theory, at least. – Justin Time - Reinstate Monica Sep 23 '16 at 01:28
  • Send him to war? Heck: make him the voice & face of all our anti-ISIS propaganda! Make sure that they ALL get to see & hear him & know his name. And when that's done, introduce him to Kim Jong Un, and after that... Oh, wait, this is answering "what to do with him", rather than how to kill him without intending to. Sorry, nevermind! – Ralph J Sep 23 '16 at 15:28
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I think the biggest problem with this is that your "idle thought" constraint means nearly anyone who deals with this situation will die.

This sort of constraint makes it rather difficult, because it would cause a chain reaction, particularly since there is nearly no way to have people know the problem exists without them dying. You can't ponder, "how do we kill Joe?" without dying, yet in order to resolve this issue someone has to do just that.

For example, it's easy to try to imagine scenarios you cause his death to occur by allowing it. But for example, if you want to send him to war - how do you come across that idea without an idle thought of it causing his demise?

This applies even to things like "program a robot to do this" - how do you program a robot to cause a specific person's death without thinking about it? How do you get a team together to program a robot to kill a specific person, without the person organizing the team first dying? Or bombing his building?

The answer is you really can't.

It's difficult even to imagine this scenario not causing considerable destruction to a society. It is fairly common to desire revenge when someone dies unexpectedly and at some point, depending on the rest of the world and their technology level, this is likely to destroy vast portions of society. If Joe is in jail it means that somewhere this is "sort of" public and realistically the minute it becomes public knowledge, is likely to kill many people.

Thinking about causing an "accident" results in your immediate death. You could have someone be hopelessly optimistic about the situation and try to find someone who is really eager and willing to try to help and equally hopelessly optimistic (but an idiot) but... honestly that feels like a lame plot device to me.

The problem is that the moment the idea occurs, death occurs to the thinker. Consider the elephants paradox in Inception. Which means none of the other answers currently here will work as all require a cohesive thought on the part of someone in order to cause events which then unlink causation. Fundamentally they boil down to, "how do we kill Joe by accident?" which given your constraints results in their immediate death.

You need to consider the events leading up to him being incarcerated and either:

  1. Add more constraints or potential for some people not to die immediately (see below)
  2. Repeat the events allowing him to be put in prison and cause his death

Otherwise, Joe is going to die of starvation/neglect when enough of society dies due to causation.


One option for (1) is creating someone deranged or mentally unstable who really believes he can help Joe and is mentally incapable of that sort of thinking, but that their help turns out to accidentally be fatal. Or a redemption story, depending on what you want to do, maybe they can help Joe stop this. By adding mental instability/issues for this person you allow the possibility of dialog about the subject with Joe and the other person with a plausible explanation for why that person never pities or ponders "wouldn't it be easier if you died."

Think a witch doctor type person or something. Or crazy person.

This still requires a fair bit of hand-waving in order to allow the crazy person/witch doctor to find out about Joe (without the chain of people knowing of the problem dying or enough of society dying) but you've already built that in with the fact that he's incarcerated. Clearly, somehow, in your world people can learn of this situation without dying.

Given your comment, the easiest and probably best way to handwave this away is having someone at the prison be this person. Maybe they have a mental disorder that causes them to be unable to consider future events. Maybe they are straight up unstable or crazy. Maybe they are the prison chaplain. Or part of the prison service staff (you probably want to find a non-stupid reason why you'd have an insane/mentally unstable prison guard...).

That person can come into contact with Joe naturally then, if they already work at the prison. What you do then depends on your story goals for resolution. Death? Redemption? Healing? Controlling his powers and learning to undo those deaths? Either way, you've established a cohesive framework in which the two people (Joe and Crazy) can interact meaningfully to work together towards that ultimate story end goal.

enderland
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    You don't need a crazy person for this. Just find someone who's a little overenthusiastic about keeping a person safe, like Dobby was for Harry Potter: "I can put you in this box in the ground and no one will find you!" – Frostfyre Sep 21 '16 at 12:34
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    @Frostfyre how do you decide to do that without dying? The problem is thinking about causing an "accident" via an overeager attendant results in your immediate death. You could have someone be hopelessly optimistic about the situation and try to find someone who is really eager and willing to try to help and equally hopelessly optimistic (but an idiot) but... honestly that feels like a lame plot device to me. – enderland Sep 21 '16 at 12:36
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    You make a fine argument here. In essence, Joe isn't a bad person - he's unwittingly responding to external stimuli. To my mind, it seems appropriate that the people who have placed him in prison aren't trying to kill him but are instead attempting to prevent further deaths. He may well have handed himself in and described his disability (for want of a better word) in order to minimise his impact on those incarcerating him. –  Sep 21 '16 at 12:39
  • @Pete I would recommend a prison guard or something then being the "hopelessly optimistic" or otherwise mentally deranged person then. As a reader/consumer of your story I would have a really hard time believing that none of the people who put him in prison would have not at least once pondered, "couldn't we just kill him?" -- particularly since if one does, and dies, then all the others will probably immediately think something like, "oh, Officer Joe just died. He must have thought about killing Joe, that's not a bad.. XD" – enderland Sep 21 '16 at 12:41
  • I think your answer to Frostfyre needs to be included in your answer. For example we are thinking about how to kill Joe, and even if there was such a person we would be safe, since we have no idea who this person is. However, it's extremely difficult to get to the point of asking someone to kill a hypotethical person with Joe's ability without passing through having idle thoughts of killing Joe. – Taemyr Sep 22 '16 at 07:47
  • Actually, programming the robot is pretty simple. No one will program a robot to kill Joe, because after Joe dies, the robot will need to be reprogrammed. Rather, one would program the robot to kill people, designing it so that you input a name and it kills that target. This, though, shifts the problem from how to program it, to how to give it the proper input. As to this, the only thing I can think of is by utilising a form of type erasure, so to speak. – Justin Time - Reinstate Monica Sep 23 '16 at 01:32
  • The robot is designed to prevent people from killing others, by killing them first. 2) The designers present the robot to the world as being designed to prvent people from killing, and omit the part where it kills. 3) As Joe would likely be considered one of the world's foremost serial killers, the robot is given the task of preventing Joe from killing anyone else; the person who assigns its target doesn't know that it will kill the target, and thinks it'll just get in the way any time they try to kill someone.
  • – Justin Time - Reinstate Monica Sep 23 '16 at 01:35
  • @JustinTime who is going to commission this robot? Do you think that someone could "accidentally" commission a team to program a robot which just so happens will kill Joe? Anyone involved in the process to cleverly convince a team to program this robot will die far before the team gets assembled. – enderland Sep 23 '16 at 01:49
  • @enderland The designers don't need to know about Joe specifically. All they need to know is that "one or more" people have the ability to telepathically kill anyone that thinks about killing them, where the "or more" clause is necessary to prevent them from thinking specifically about "the person with this ability", which would be Joe. They may not even need to be aware of this ability, but just that one or more individuals have the ability to kill telepathically. I posted an answer here, detailing how I imagine it could work. – Justin Time - Reinstate Monica Sep 23 '16 at 02:29
  • @JustinTime the problem is: why would someone ever decide that such a design should be created, in the first place? and how would that person survive in order to begin the work in the first place? – enderland Sep 23 '16 at 02:43
  • @enderland It's simple, actually: If someone is pragmatic and unscrupulous, they would see killing the telekinetic murderer as the simplest solution. And they would survive if, and only if, they don't think specifically of Joe. This is why genericity is the key: If they design it to kill telepathic killers in general, or people with the ability "instantly telepathically kill anyone that thinks of killing me" in general, rather than going after any specific target, then they exploit a loophole in the ability. – Justin Time - Reinstate Monica Sep 23 '16 at 14:03
  • More specifically, the ability is "kill people that want to kill me ", not "kill people that want to kill people with my ability ". So, as long as they don't know that Joe is the only person with this ability, or that there's only one person with this ability, they won't be thinking specifically of killing Joe/the only person with this ability, which means they're technically safe. – Justin Time - Reinstate Monica Sep 23 '16 at 14:04
  • It seems to me like there is a difference between thinking about somebody dying, and thinking that they should die; one could think, "It is impossible to kill Joe," without wanting to kill Joe and without thinking that the world would be a better place if he died. Still, a lot of people would die. – Darcinon Sep 23 '16 at 23:02